Now for the hard part...

We agreed to buy the house. Now we just need to get it inspected, appraised, and financed. I think we've figured out how we can pay for all of it, it's just a matter of getting everyone else to go along with our plan.

I'm going to get a bit emotional here because let's face it, I'm really scared. This is by far the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. It's a lot of money, there's a lot of fine print, there's a lot of work involved and there's a lot to understand. I wish there was some magical way for me to just know that we made the right decision and that everything will be okay, but unfortunately life isn't that simple.

Even though we feel like we can afford the mortgage right now, I can't help but wonder what could happen months or years down the road (especially in these uncertain economic times.) Kevin seems very confident. He feels that everything will be okay and appears 100% certain we've made the right decision, but no matter how many times we talk in circles I just can't feel the same way. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm cautious. I'm stressed. I'm pessimistic.

I have this nightmare that we're going to get into this home and not be able to fix the things it needs, or we find out after moving in that it needs more work that we first thought...and of course more work = more money.

I've made a list of the things that need to be done right away and am factoring those into our "closing costs"...not the actual lender closing costs, but the money we'll need to move into the home. In all, it equals more than we have. I'm not sure where that money will come from, but I can only pray that it will somehow work. We're going to save like chipmunks for the next month or so and hope that we can at least get the appliances needed to make the place work. We've been scanning craigslist looking for deals. They're out there, we just can't purchase appliances until we know for sure that we have the house; that would just be silly.

I know, at this point I'm just rambling. My sentences are all running together and what I've typed may not make any sense to anyone else, but I just need to get this stuff out of my head and onto paper (internet). I've talked about this stuff with Kevin, but it's still nice to just write it all down. And I guess I'm just looking for reassurance...something nobody out there and internet land can give me. I have no confidence in my decision making ability, I never have. I don't trust my own judgement at all, which is pretty sad. So, before I continue this pitty party I'm going to go ahead and quit typing. Yeah. I'm done typing.